After 5 years of serving as the bishop, Paul was released in June. I don't have the words to fully describe our experience, but I want to share a few thoughts (I think it will help me gain some closure). And I realize that
his experiences as bishop would be far more interesting to hear about than mine, but he's not the blogger. So you'll have to settle for the perspective of a bishop's wife.
Service in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is a wonderful blessing for individuals and families. We all do it. It's expected. It's what we agree to. It's how we find the greatest joy. It's how we grow closer to God. And it's how we learn to love God's children as He loves them.
When Paul was called to serve as bishop, we were shocked. We didn't hesitate to accept the calling, even though we we were unsure of what it would be like. We knew the call was from God. And we knew He would help us. We would quickly learn just how real the mantel of a bishop is. The Lord took a young, inexperienced man and made him able to do far more than he could normally do. This is something we could not deny. He does this for all of us in our callings.
Paul's first day sitting on the stand as bishop was our 2 year anniversary. We had one toddler and a baby on the way. Five years seemed like an eternity away. I thought we would move before his time came to an end. The weeks went slowly at first, as we adjusted to new expectations and routines. But then the months and years went quickly.
To sum it up, those five years were a busy, but happy time. He was gone a few nights each week. But on nights he was home, there was still work to do to meet the temporal and spiritual needs of ward members. He rarely got a break. He just kept giving and giving. He didn't complain or shirk his duty. Day after day he worked tirelessly to help others, at the sacrifice of his own leisurely time. I marveled at his dedication. He loved the ward members so much, and I think they felt that.
It's a blessing to be stretched because you grow in ways you otherwise wouldn't. We learned to communicate better about our personal needs and struggles. Out of necessity, we learned to make the most of every minute of family time. Even though we had less time together as a couple, the Lord blessed us with increased love and closeness. I fell in love with Paul over and over again as I watched him serve. He almost always returned home from ministering with a boost of energy and an increased amount of the Spirit. That blessed our family immensely! There were also evenings when he returned home with a heavy heart and the burden of not quite knowing how to help people. It was hard that he usually couldn't open up about it. We acknowledged that the burden of everyone's problems is too much for one individual--unless that individual is the Savior. On those evenings, we prayed that the Lord would carry the burden and give Paul direction. That prayer was always answered.
My hardships were different than his. There were many times when I felt like I couldn't handle the load of caring for the children alone while he was gone. While he was gone being spiritually filled, I was dealing with difficult children. At times like those I often recognized a miracle. The Lord eased my burdens and gave me strength beyond my own. From this, I knew I was being compensated for my sacrifice. And I knew the Lord was grateful for my service, even though it was unseen by most. In addition, a dear sister from our stake who didn't even know me, felt inspired to reach out with weekly letters of encouragement and love. What started out as a "secret sister" became a dear friend. She continued sending cards, gifts, emails, etc. the entire five years he was bishop. So often her words were just what I needed to hear. I knew the Lord had inspired her to reach out and strengthen me.
As our family grew, it became harder for me to keep our girls reverent and happy during sacrament meetings without Paul's help. I had my fair share of stressful, embarrassing, and discouraging sacrament meetings. But I always felt loved and supported by those around me. We had a dear friend sit by us often to help with baby Claire. And I knew on any given week, I could turn to friends in any direction for help. The problem was, our girls usually wanted one person: Daddy! So they snuck up to the stand far too often, and I admit that there were a few times that I gave up the fight and just let them go up to him. Over time, I learned not to stress about it. I decided to just enjoy looking up and seeing him being a daddy too. I figured everyone understood. And I do recall some moments being pleasantly surprised at how well behaved our kids were. I saw those as little "tender mercies" from the Lord.
Spiritual blessings came too. Our testimonies of the restored Church of Jesus Christ were strengthened immensely. Our understanding of the Savior's atonement was deepened. Our dedication to His service was increased. As I watched ward members support and sustain Paul as Bishop, I learned what that truly means. At first, I worried what our ward members would think about having such a young bishop. But I observed how they respected the calling, regardless of the individual's qualifications. I think from now on I will be slower to judge church leaders for inadequacies, unresolved issues, and mistakes. These are imperfect people just doing their best. And they do far more than anyone can ever know.
I realized Paul had limitations, so I became less demanding of him as a bishop. And I came to appreciate the program of Home and Visiting Teachers. As the "shepherd" of the entire ward, the bishop isn't physically able to reach every individual who is in need. He has a wife and children who require a lot of him too (we've raised "daddy's girls!"). So the Lord relies on each member to know the people they are assigned to, have regular contact with them, and help meet their needs when possible. When this is done, the bishop's load is lightened and people receive the help they need much faster.
Over the years, our love for members of our ward family grew. We will always look back on that period of our lives with fond memories of fellow saints who we came to know and love so much. I only witnessed a small fraction of the miracles and spiritual experiences that Paul did. So much of what he experienced was sacred and confidential. But I am grateful that I was able to share some of the special moments. We saw how people were blessed and changed for the better as they turned to the Lord. We have special memories of discussions, baptisms, funerals, weddings and temple sealings that we attended. Those people are like family to us now.
Paul's release has been a bitter-sweet change for us. As his five years of service neared the end, time seemed to slip away from us too quickly. We wanted to slow down the clock to enjoy it a bit longer. We could barely remember life before the calling, and we worried a bit how we would adjust. For days, I cried at the very thought of his release. We knew we would miss so many aspects about our life with the calling. But we were really excited for our new bishop and his family to have the experience.
Our girls didn't know about the release until the night before. When we told them, we were surprised at their excitement. To them it meant sitting with Daddy at church and saying "good-bye" a lot less in the evenings. Seeing their happiness helped us look on the bright side. We realized that we can be just as happy as before, as long as we are doing those things that bring true joy: serving and loving others around us, and helping to build up Christ's church.
It's been 2 months now since the change, and we are slowly adjusting. I still get giddy when I walk in to church with our
entire family. It feels so complete and right. I love looking over at Paul on the bench, and watching him deal with a difficult child (smile). And it still feels a bit weird to all be leaving church at the same time. But we like it. It's so nice to have Paul's help around the house more, especially now with another baby. Having said that, we do miss being so involved in the ward, and knowing all the new faces. We miss the spiritual high that you feel. And I strangely kind of miss seeing him get dressed up and head out the door for the night. Through this all, I'm reminded that a church calling is not your identity. It's a temporary thing. But it changes you and blesses you forever.
